Success happens between people.

How often do even marketing experts treat their customers like a fleeting Tinder match after the first date? At the start they court attention, pay compliments, send messages and pull out all the stops. Once the customer has been won over, the enthusiasm fades. Yet the same rule applies in love and in business: anyone who is only after a quick close will end up alone in the long run.

In her inspiring and humorous talk “From Date to Deal: Why We Should Love Our Customers”, communication expert Nina Deißler shows that successful marketing, excellent service and sustainable selling follow the same rules as flirting. The point is never to apply pressure or to talk people into something. The point is to spark interest, create attraction and build a trust that holds through difficult phases too.

“The best deals come from the best relationships.”

If rushing helped, the hamster would be the perfect boss or colleague. Still, nobody wants a person like that on the team, let alone at the top of a company. We all know that however fast the hamster runs in its wheel, it gets nowhere. Yet that is exactly what many people do when routines end and change is coming: they pedal faster, invest even more energy and lose more control with every step.

How often do we respond to change with even more meetings and even more activity? As if the future could be controlled by becoming more hectic. The truth is that anyone who wants to last in times of permanent change does not need more speed. They need composure.

“The future belongs to those who stand firm in the storm and have the courage to decide calmly.”

Welcome to job Tinder: it used to be the applicant’s task to dress up for the job and promote their best qualities. Today the best talents simply swipe on. A salary, two days of working from home and a fruit basket? Nice. But not necessarily a match. In the age of the skills shortage, every company, every HR department and every manager has to face an uncomfortable question: why should top employees choose us of all companies, and stay loyal to us?

Employees no longer choose just a company. They choose a company culture. And they do not leave a job. They leave managers. What makes an employer attractive today is no longer a set of pretty benefits. It is the way an emotional bond develops between employee and employer. A lack of appreciation, missing prospects and leadership that reduces people to functions are real relationship killers.

“People stay where they feel seen.”

There it is again, that one sentence. Perhaps it is only a remark or a gesture that seems to change the temperature in the room within seconds. The voice gets sharper, the pulse rises, thoughts take on a life of their own. Suddenly it is no longer about the issue itself. It is about being right. That is exactly the moment in which we lose control.

Whether in a meeting, at a family celebration or in a partnership: most conflicts do not escalate because of differing opinions. They escalate because people react to certain triggers almost like robots instead of arguing and acting consciously. Emotion takes over, composure falls by the wayside. We defend ourselves, attack the other person, withdraw and sulk. The result: relationships suffer, teams lose trust and conversations end where they should really begin.

“Quick wit is no feat of strength. It can be trained.”

Women who want a career hear the same advice surprisingly often: be tough. Be loud. Be combative. Be merciless. Or in short: be more like a man. But are women really only successful when they copy men instead of playing to their own strengths?

Many women work hard, deliver excellent results, take on responsibility and invest a lot of energy in their jobs. They are all the more disappointed when they are passed over again at the next promotion, when wishes go unfulfilled or important concerns go unheard. Why is that? Because women try to build a career without looking as if they wanted one. Behaviour patterns learned over decades make the way to the goal harder. The wish to be liked, for example. The need to please everyone. Or the quiet conviction that they cannot assert themselves against men.

“It is about being the one people listen to.”

When a man answers the question “What’s wrong?” with “Nothing”, the topic has been sufficiently discussed as far as he is concerned. For many women, this is where the discussion begins. So how much communication is really necessary? This question holds one of the greatest misunderstandings between men and women. Both believe they are acting reasonably. Both feel misunderstood. And both secretly wonder when the other will finally adapt.

Whether at work, in relationships, in teams, in meetings or at the kitchen table: men and women communicate with different expectations, pursue different strategies in dialogue and usually have completely different units of measurement for closeness and distance. What is a necessary retreat for him is already an emotional alarm signal for her.

“Not every silence needs a conversation. Not every problem needs an immediate solution.”